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I find a clear relationship between social media use and emotional problems. As a general rule, the more time you spend looking at your phone, the more depressed, lonely, and anxious you will become.
Their lives look enviable from the outside, but they feel empty on the inside. They are waiting for their purpose to find them, but it never does. As they wait, they distract themselves with work and soothe themselves with tech.
“What do you want?” I ask him. He pauses, struggling to find the words. “I want to go hiking,” he says at last, “for a long time.”
Happiness = Enjoyment + Satisfaction + Meaning.
Strivers trivialize their humanness by reducing life’s magnificent inscrutability to a series of complicated but solvable problems.
The best predictor of finding something — including meaning — is looking for it.
To find the meaning of your life means seeking your life’s coherence, purpose, and significance.
The peace of the faithful unschooled, he learned, was not that they didn’t wonder about the meaning of life. They wondered plenty. It was that they did not insist on finding neat answers someplace.
Modern life pushes you into the brain’s left hemisphere — focused on solving technical, discrete problems with technology and detail obsession — while neglecting what is “numinous” in the right hemisphere. This is where meaning, purpose, and deep human connection reside. This shift results in a sense of emptiness and boredom.
The solution is to reclaim the mystery of real life. […] Rather than quitting the modern world, we need to put technology in its place, intentionally foster meaning, and live with openness and courage in the face of life’s unanswerable questions.
Take pride in not fitting in when the crowd is acting idiotically. […] Refuse to participate in ideologically polarized culture at all — especially online.
Most screen overuse is caused by mindlessness.
It is the willingness and capacity to wonder and inquire about things large and small that are the essence of our uniquely human consciousness.
The how of your life is your doing self. To find and understand meaning requires your being self.
Try asking your friends and family for honest criticism on a regular basis, and insist that they not hold back. Call it your emotional workout.
The dopamine hits are all from the forward motion per se. The result is that they are always thinking about the future and never truly alive in the present.
Doing without being does not lead to a sense of meaning at all — on the contrary, it leads to the Striver’s Curse and an inability to find meaning.
The relationships that bring true meaning […] are called by Aristotle virtuous friendships. These are based on mutual respect and admiration based on character and values.
But I learned long ago that my feelings are liars. If I followed them, at this point I probably would be fired, friendless, and utterly alone.
The act of giving changes the giver’s mindset from “person with problems” to “problem solver,” which improves their well-being and personal effectiveness.
When you ask someone for something, they become a problem solver, which gives the person a sense of meaning.
Whenever you’re puzzled by a personal dilemma in life, love, or work, think of someone who might have a helpful perspective, and ask for it.
Think about how small you are compared with the earth, the solar system, the galaxy, the universe. Then try to feel aggrieved that your last social media post didn’t get enough likes!
You need to feel needed by others in whatever you do. There is almost nothing in life more disempowering than feeling superfluous to the world. It directly destroys life’s meaning because it is the opposite of meaning’s third dimension: significance. If you are not needed, then your answer to the question “For whom does my life matter?” is “No one.”
Even if your job is not extrinsically rewarding, you can start generating your own intrinsic rewards.
Workaholics typically made success their drug of choice in childhood, when their parents showered them with love and praise for good report cards or extracurricular achievement such as in sports or music. Their developing brains adapted accordingly, and as they grew up, they found their lives ruled by this formula: more work = more success = more praise = more dopamine.
Leisure is the work you choose to do for yourself without the economic whip driving you. If Pieper were around now, you can bet that he would not include scrolling social media, chuckling at memes, getting drunk, or binge-watching television as useful forms of leisure activity. Rather, leisure should involve philosophical contemplation and artistic experiences, learning new ideas or skills, spending time in nature, and deepening relationships.
So, much as we want to be excellent at our jobs, we should become excellent at leisure to generate the kind of coherence, purpose, and significance that work alone cannot offer.
Whether you are religious or not, consider creating your own holy hour. This could be a morning hour that you devote to reading something meaningful, or an hour-long walk every day after lunch without devices, or a period of uninterrupted conversation each evening after dinner with the person you most love. However you choose to observe your holy hour, structure it into your day and give it the same priority you would a very important meeting.
We should be using our leisure to create a culture that reflects our values and creates connections with others in bonds of love and meaning.
The more artistic beauty in your life, the more meaning you will find.
Humans are not naturally grateful creatures — our negativity bias sees to that. You can override this tendency by focusing very consciously on things you’re grateful for. If you take some time each day to reflect on what you can be thankful for, you will naturally start to notice more — not just discrete acts of generosity and self-sacrifice, but also people who are unusually good and kind. You will discover that moral beauty is all around you.
An attitude of acceptance rather than avoidance can empower you to treat your suffering appropriately, manage your expectations about what a good life means, and truly savor your sweetest experiences.
As the years passed, Herrigel finally understood the solution: “effortless effort,” which is how he ceased to focus consciously on trying to hit the target and lost himself in the process of shooting.
[…] in boot camp, he told himself, “Chow to chow.” In other words, just make it to the next meal, and let the big change […] take care of itself.
Release your ego and tell yourself, “This opinion has nothing to do with me.” Then simply listen with detached curiosity. This way, you can learn something interesting about why this person thinks that way and avoid an unnecessarily negative encounter.
Writing down the source of your anxiety or disappointment will make it very specific and understandable and will stop it from rolling around below your level of consciousness, like a ghost haunting you and stealing your peace.
If beauty is missing from your life, go outside in nature immediately. Without your phone.